Yes. That is the question. It seems like it is the only question many parents have to answer these days. My husband and I have had many conversations regarding this question lately because we have to decide by this Friday at 5pm what we are going to do in regards to our girls starting 2nd and 3rd grade in the classroom 5 days a week or at home for at least 9 weeks. My decision changes as often as my conviction in that decision. Many a night I have been consuming a great deal of fruit wine and having panic attacks about what is the best course of action for our family. Parenthood was already a tough job. Now it's even more of a gauntlet because you feel like your child's very physical existence is at state, or at least their metaphysical one. I have made pro/con lists. I have researched like you wouldn't believe. We have even involved our girls in some of the conversations. Both are scared of getting sick and want to stay home, but they also want to go because they haven't seen their friends in person since March. Having done homeschool 1.0, I can tell you that it was often extremely challenging to keep them engaged and learning and that led to many struggles, arguments, and slammed doors. For that reason alone I want my girls to go back because I know they will do better in a classroom environment. Now of course homeschool 1.0 was such an unknown and had to be hastily thrown together. In homeschool 2.0 it would be very different. There would be more structure, it would be live in real time, and they could interact with their teachers. I know that our school has been preparing for this new reality while trying to map out March-May. It should hopefully keep the girls more engaged in learning from home. I just keep thinking back though to when I had to tell them that their dance classes were cancelled indefinitely after already having to tell them they would be finishing 1st and 2nd grade at home. It was almost too much on top of everything else. My older daughter shut down hardcore. She morphed from a happy-go-lucky 8 year old to a sullen, ragey 14 year old in the blink of an eye. When we got word that we could return to dance this summer in a very limited capacity and be able to perform in an adapted recital format, they lit up! They were so excited to do something "normal" again. Personally I was happy that all the money I had spent on costumes, shoes, tights, and makeup wasn't for nothing, but that didn't compare to seeing the joy and light in their faces again. I agonize over what all of this has done to their social and emotional well being. Are they going to be scarred for life from this? Has it completely altered their development in any kind of adverse way? Parenting with anxiety was already enough to make me crazy, but now dosages have been adjusted. I just know how much this has irreversibly messed me up, and I have life experience and coping mechanisms that can help me see the big picture. I feel restless, reckless, and have a hard time thinking clearly. What has all this done to them?
No decision is the right one and every person's decision is the best one. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Don't you just want to go outside and scream your frustrations into the wind? Or you could just pray to St. White Claw to make everything better. I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what is going to happen next to help me make this decision. My friend posted something on Facebook this morning that provided me a much needed respite to sit back and try to see the positives in all this.
I have been able to spend more quality time with my girls. Three months of being home with them and a month of working part time was wonderful. It made readjusting to full time hard, but it makes me appreciate the time I do have with them more. We've had impromptu dance parties in the living room, lots of movie nights and camp-outs in various room of our house. My husband working from home has been WONDERFUL!!! He works 3rd shift so even though he is at work, I know he's just down the hall which has helped stress levels. I am able to see him on his breaks and even just wave at him as I pass by to go downstairs. My girls are cooking and baking with me. They're learning to crochet and sew. Their new thing is drawing comics which are so much fun to read. Their storytelling abilities and their talent for drawing blows my mind. My 7 and 8 1/2 year olds have also been very snuggly and attached to mom which I am not complaining about at all! It's also very true that this whole experience teaches them resiliency and to appreciate the little things in life that are extremely valuable lessons to learn, especially so young.
I had a great conversation with one of my customers over the phone this morning. She said that this is our chance to write the movie of our life. We have the power to determine the outcome by how we overcome these challenges. We are truly learning how to be empathetic of one another if we embrace the opportunity. How we respond is the deciding factor of how that movie will end. There is also power in having a village. I love my village of families from school. Us moms have bonded like no other these past few months, and I have found true, lifelong friends that I know I can trust and rely on. We were close before, but nothing like a good pandemic to truly foster unity! Having support in these crazy times is essential. That village can look dramatically differently from person to person. Count me in your village! I am here! I will continue to run my Facebook group Staying Sane In Quarantine (updated name coming soon.) I will share silly storytimes and videos however I can. I will use this blog to share thoughts and ideas from people I interact with because we are all in this together. Hell I could even tell you stories about my well known klutziness to provide laughter, like the time I nearly broke my finger just by opening my trunk about five minutes after I told our teen librarian that I wanted to do ax throwing at the local Summerfest we were working together last year. I had literally run to my car to put something away and was planning on doing it when I got back. She just shook her head at me when I showed her my slowly bruising finger and gave me a firm "NO." Anytime I get a crazy idea at work, she just looks at me and says "ax throwing." My life is a comedy of insanity that could entertain many! Use that to your advantage and let me entertain you!
At this moment in time, almost 1pm on 8/5/2020 I have no idea what I am going to do by Friday at 5pm. So many are in this same position with so many factors weighing heavily on their decision. We should not judge. We absolutely should support. In many ways, parents have become one big collective village with a shared experience we could not have begun to imagine even just 6 months ago. We are all in this Contagion movie remake together, and sadly I don't even get the opportunity to make out with Matt Damon. That would be a sweet, sweet silver lining.... It might just make this (almost) worth it.
Be kind to yourself, and be kind to each other. As long as our children are loved and nurtured, that is what matters most. If they feel safe and secure with us, that should go a long way in navigating these uncharted waters. Stay strong!
No comments:
Post a Comment