Greetings, readers. My seemingly never ending journey on the struggle bus continues. I am even starting to get some opportunities to be children's librarian adjacent again, but not even that seems to get me out of this funk. I never thought I'd see the day where I would feel this detached from my chosen profession. Now believe me, there have been many, many days where this job has kicked my rear end, this past Friday being one of them. I have seen and heard things during my career that I never in a million years expected to when I became a children's librarian, but sadly that's a reality. Things are rough. It's not all sunshine, unicorns, and sparkle. I have cried many tears and have been so utterly broken down by some things. But I could always count on the joy of a child, the silly dancing in storytime, or a big hug from a child when I find the book they are looking for. Being with kids, working with them, and teaching them fuels me and keeps me wanting to learn more and be better at what I do. It's such a motivating factor that has gotten me through the ugly realities of library life. I don't get that anymore. Yes, I still see some kids when they come to the library to get books, but it's not the same at all. When the highlight of my day is putting together a dinosaur book display and seeing a few of them get checked out, I know that it just isn't enough. I want and need more. I am still trying to be positive and be the best that I can during this crazy time.
Being a working mom was already a challenge, but it's even harder for me now. I am so emotionally spent after a work day, especially when I have to keep telling grown adults to follow directions that are so simple a preschooler does it. When I get home, I struggle to stay engaged and not dive right under the covers to sleep and do it all again the next day. Then just living in a negative world sucks the life right out of you too. I am craving peace. I am craving happiness. I am craving normal.
There are going to be some interesting books coming out after all this. I've said this many times, but it's true. It's already happening. I saw a book the other day on my new book shelf about what social distancing means for preschoolers. Ugh. It makes you wonder about what their developing little minds are taking in from the world around them. My 7 year old had a dinner "not a date mommy" meeting with her little bestie the other day. It breaks my heart that they can't be running around playing together instead of talking about what they would do if they could play together. My almost 9 year old is planning a Zoom call with her friends for her birthday on the 21st. This is normal life for them.
When is this all going to end?
No comments:
Post a Comment